In the island, with a partner and fur babies to complete her new home, Claire or K-anne to family and close friends, happily says that she is now in a good place. She has come a long way but her journey to healing and self-discovery is a continuous and long process. She's come to terms with life, "embracing the unknown" and just going with the flow. This is her story.
Claire had been living and working in Singapore for a decade already. Successful in her career and enjoying work-life-balance, she has been able to maintain different hobbies outside work. Her usual routine included yoga and weight training as she has always been health-conscious, making sure she eats right and exercises regularly. In 2020 while countries had just started to implement early measures for COVID containment, the most unexpected news was delivered to her: she had stage 2 breast cancer. " [Parang] binagsakan ako ng mundo," Claire describes how she felt upon hearing her diagnosis.
The pandemic did not help in processing her illness, she had to make a decision as borders were quickly closing off. Her dilemma: either she stays in Singapore to undergo surgery and treatment immediately but alone or goes home to the Philippines with family and friends close by, yet be confronted by hospitals at full capacity and the eventual medical crisis. There was no time to breathe; everything had to be decided on right away, she explains. Truly a test of strength, she had resolved to stay, go through the surgery, chemotherapy, and all other procedures to fight the cancer.
While all these sound brave, learning about the illness took a toll on her mental health, as well. "[It's like] facing your own mortality, [your death]." Claire recalls. Prior to her chemo sessions, she had been depressed for over a week, crying in her room, feeling like her life was being stolen away by cancer. She had started to imagine that her long black hair would fall out, she'd turn pale and sickly, her immune system would drop, and she would lose a part of her precious body.
What makes a woman feel like a woman? Each answer is unique as women's priorities and perspectives differ. A woman can be all things- she is thriving in her career, she is happy being single, she has unexpected interests and she's great in all of them. For Claire, one of the hardest questions she had to answer was if she had a husband or a partner. In another world, the one in which she had no cancer, it was just a simple, no-big-deal question. But at the time, she was hit with the reality that without a significant other at thirty-three and while grappling with cancer and the treatments' side effects, it was highly likely that her ovaries would be damaged and there was an increased possibility of not having a child. "I felt that I totally lost my femininity."
After sitting with her thoughts and feelings, Claire had accepted her fate and she was now ready. "I decided to face the reality. I don't even recall crying because I had cancer. [I thought to myself,] This is it," she looks back. In a span of one and a half years of treatment and recovery, in a foreign but unfamiliar country, she was able to learn to be kind to herself. She witnessed her own illness, the struggles that come with it, the fear, the pain, but most especially the wins, big and small. "I appreciate life more," Claire said when asked about the lessons she learned after battling cancer.
Finding a community also helped Claire understand and process her illness. She had found friends both online and offline who shared the same experience as hers; sought hope and comfort knowing that there are people who understand what she's going through and inspired by those who were able to conquer cancer. She's on a mission to educate people about cancer and see how others can do an early detection and possibly prevention.
Aside from health and lifestyle adjustments, her outlook in life has also changed. She went to Bali for a yoga teacher training and moved to Siargao, a place she never would have imagined living in after Singapore, to chase the peaceful, slow-paced life. Her experience allowed her to appreciate the small things- from waking up to another sunrise to capping off the day with a beautiful sunset in the island.
What's next for Claire? Despite the constant anxiety during medial scans and the possibility of recurrence, she maintains that "I can choose how I can lead my life after cancer." Claire is unstoppable, ready to conquer every hurdle that comes her way. She is living her best, most content life; still in self-discovery, but inching closer to her complete healing, one yoga and meditation session at a time.
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Photography by JerHena